"A Pill Won't Help My Hurt"

Wouldn't it be nice if we could swallow a Tylenol for our heartaches? It would be so easy wouldn't it. But, unfortunately, that is not the way it is. When I think back of heartbreaks and how truly raw they made me as they tore at my inner being where love is formed, I cringe on the memory. How many times I thought my heart would cease to beat and my breath would still forever. I felt incredibly numb with the heartpain that fulfilled my chest. I actually kneeled while grasping myself as though all feeling left my legs and there was no strength in them to hold me up any longer and my tears were like a river flowing from my eyes. I thought I would just quit...just not care about tomorrow, whether it comes or not. Then, I curled up into the fetal position and as exhaustion surrounded me like a blanket, sleep came over me.
The next morning I was awakened by birds singing a melody I'd never heard before. Someone was mowing their lawn and the sound swooshed my memories back to when I was a child and I was playing skip rope on pavement, the sound of my black patten shoes scraped loudly and proudly against the sparsely graveled cement. Neighbours chatting made me think of my Mom and Aunts when they were together. In the distance I thought I heard my son and my daughter playing together in their youth. In her little girl's voice, my daughter was talking her big brother's ear off as she always did. Her brother was her hero.
Suddenly, I realized that I had not even thought of why I had slept in my clothes. I did not have the pain inside me that I thought I would surely die from, but now it was only an ache. Seeing and hearing all of these memories made my soul come to life rather than grieving something that had died. Life was so much more important than the loss of something on this earth because if I lost it then it wasn't mine to begin with. I do not mean the loss of a loved one, that is a whole different story, but, I am referring to a relationship mostly, I guess. I am relating to my experiences. As I have stated before in previous postings, I have had 2 failed marriages and two drastic relationships. I felt like such a failure after the last one a little over four years ago. But then, through my wonderful Christian Counselor I came to realise that it was not only me but it was also the "choice" I made because of where my self-esteem was at. My Christianity has been my bow & arrow of life now and I feel stronger now than I have ever been when I was married or with someone in my life. I am not saying that I wouldn't like to marry again one day, but, if I do, it will be God's choice for me...not mine. I am just sharing that I couldn't find a pill to help my heartbreak when it was present, but, I sure learned a great deal from it's pain. And once the clouds disappeared...it wasn't so bad. Thinking about all of the beauties in my life brought me back to earth and made me reconnect with reality that this is only one life I have here on this earth and even though there is pain I want to live through them and learn and become strong as I recover from each blow. I never, ever, walk through them alone because God is always with me.

Take Heart & Know That After The Storm There Is A Rainbow Of Beautiful Colors Waiting Just For You To Enjoy