Divorce

Isn't it amazing how important sleep is to our health? When I was younger, early twenties, I could function on 5-6 hours on sleep but who said that the older we get the less sleep we need? For me it is the opposite. I wonder if it has something to do with my Fibromyalgia and other health issues? Just a short time ago, 1994, I was out playing tennis, hiking 5 miles, and working 11 hour days...now I am a sad picture of what I used to be. Along with the depression the fibromyalgia was topped off with IBS and Diverticulosis. What a wreck, you say...what a wreck, I say too! BUT, I sometimes think that God allowed some things to slow me down so that I could focus more on Him. He didn't cause these things but He gently wanted to remind me that all these things that I was involved with kept my mind and my spirit looking in different directions. I thought it was the most important thing to me...to make money & support myself after my divorce. I wanted to buy myself material things. Once I lost it all, (because without any notice you can lose it all), and after the shock wore off, I came to realize that even when I had those "things", I was not happy.
I remember one particular day when I had bought myself a new stereo componentand and it felt so good to pay for it myself. I was told once during my bitter divorce that I would not make it on my own so it felt good to have that cash in my bank account and treat myself to the things I was not allowed before. I was also told that I did not have class. For years I believed it...until I looked into the mirror and saw an image that I never recognized before. I saw myself how Jesus saw me...a loving, forgiving, servant of God. To me that was all the class I needed. The stereo was turned off a great deal of the time. It collected dust. I had to keep buying newer CD's to fill all of my favorite artists as my flavor for Christian & Country music grew. Then one day I arrived at work (it was a Senior Citizens Home Society where it housed about 55 suites, 35 in the 3 story apartment building where the Communal Lounge was and then 20 bungalows outside) and I pulled up into my parking stall. Little Cecil was always out there waiting for me. He was 90 years old and he called me "Sis". He took it as his "duty" to escort me safely inside the main doors. What a lovely man. Well , this particular day, Cecil was standing amid a small crowd of Seniors who were hovering around in a little circle. I knew something was up. Cecil caming running on his skinny old legs at full speed...(I will leave that to your imagination)

"Sis, ya gotta come quick! There's a real tragedy here! Ya gotta fix it!" he stated shakily.

Oh my gosh...whatever has happened, I thought, with my heart racing a little too fast. I prayed that one of our Seniors hadn't taken a fall. (Often I had come upon falls, cuts, wondering aimlessly and even death in the Seniors Center among our Seniors). The crowd dispersed as I approached and they pointed to the corner of the lawn...a little baby bird crouched shakily amid the dewy grass. These people were relying on me to help this little birdie that had somehow fallen from it's nest. The only tree it could have come from was too far away for it to fall from and it was way too new to fly. "Gosh", I thought to myself, "What am I going to do with it?" The Seniors were clearly upset at the sight of this vulnerable living and breathing feathered friend. I automatically bent down and placed my cupped hand at the edge of the lawn where I stood some 20 feet away from his safety zone near the building wall. With unbelief clouding my eyes that little birdie hopped across that lawn and right into my palm! Tears flooded my eys as did the Seniors. The trust that this teeny little thing had to hop over hill and dale and curl up with fluffed wings into a giant's hand was only something that God would allow. The little fellow did not live but at least it died warm, fed, and loved instead at the beak of a crow.

Sometimes I felt like that in my marriage. Caged. I felt like I could not spread my wings and fly. I was afraid. Not of being crushed but of believing the lies. My faith had been stunted. I am not saying that I agree with divorce, I don't. Divorce hurts. It hurts you, your spouse, your family & friends. But, if it is a very needed step then so be it.

For years I felt so guilty because the bible speaks about divorce and how God does not like divorce but I never understood the meaning until our wonderful Pastor broke it down in a sermon one Sunday. I finally got it! God doesn't like "divorce" but it doesn't say we are wrong if it is unavoidable. He just wishes that it did not have to be. I used to feel guilty but I feel guilty no longer. My ex-husband is happy in a new marriage and I am happy in my new life as a single Christian woman who is free to study and grow in her faith to the fullest. I did not die like that little birdie, I am alive like I have never been alive before. The material things I used to have don't mean as much anymore. I gave my stereo to my son. I do not miss it. The feeling that I had when I gave it to him was beyond the feeling I had when I bought it for myself!

You are not alone if you are going through a divorce. If you would like some personal prayer for yourself or someone you love please drop me your email and I would be happy to email you a prayer that I will pray for you or your loved one. Materialistic things and cages are not meant to bring us happiness. Only you can do that by realizing that you are a lovely creation of God and He will set you free!

Blessings today, tomorrow...and always