What Does Autumn Mean To You?

Wow...where did the summer breezes & warm kisses from the sun go? It just seems like yesterday that I was outside scrambling for shade from the burning rays. Are we ever really satisfied though? When it is hot, we want cold. When it is rain we want cloudless skies, and when it snows we want beaches. We seem to forget that each season has its reason for being there. We here in Canada are surrounded by lush green mountains, fresh clean air, and fresh water. I cannot speak for other places because I have not been anywhere but Mexico. It was hot & beautiful there and I had arrived on February 25 th. so it was a welcome change from the very wet and heavy snow that had covered us that particular year, but coming home was a reminder of how I could not live in heat year round. I am a very seasonal girl and I would miss my snow topped mountains, rushing rivers, forests and the breathtaking colors of Autumn.

My daughter & I were walking yesterday to the supermarket and we found ourselves stopping and picking up fallen leaves from a maple tree. We drank in the colors of bright oranges swirling amid red & brown. Perfect for pressing, we carried them home carefully. Would we use them? I don't know. But they were there just in case we came up with an idea for a pressed leaf gift. We could not pass up the chance at marking that moment in time that we shared together with the chilly autumn wind whipping pieces of hair against our cheeks. I looked over at my baby girl (even though she is a married woman) who was bent over choosing the perfect leaves for her little collection and I was reminded of a time when she was a little girl, picking leaves for me. How the seasons had slipped by so swiftly and yet, here we were, once again, picking flowers & leaves to be pressed. I thank God for all of the seasons that have passed to fill me with the remembrances of being with her like this. I relate many of my memories to seasonal moments. I am a very blessed woman to have had a son & a daughter to collect pages and pages of season filled memories that will keep me in warmth through the ages of my life.

We have shared many a "tom turkey" dinners together. I remember when we were all a family and we sat formally at a huge dining room table with loved ones filling 25 seats. The turkey was stuffed and roasted by my former father in law, and it was done so to perfection. I have never tasted a more golden, melt in your mouth turkey. They always saved Darlene and I the wings. Oh those crisp wings! We really forgot our manners at those times and amongst the clinking of crystal and scraping of silver upon Mom's best china, you would hear...CCCRRRUUUNNCH! NIBBLE...MOAN...CCCRRRUUNCH! The family would stop and look at the both of us, (who were completely oblivious to the fact that we were being watched intensely)...but we wouldn't have cared less anyway. Yes, I miss those wings. I miss those dinners. The brussel sprouts in bacon sauce & carrots au gratin were a regular vegetable entree'. Home made dill pickles , canned beets, sweet mustard pickles, & bread & butter pickles were also a beautiful addition to our turkey dinners. All of these had been canned during the summer by our own little hands. Darlene & I used to can about 30 jars each of each type of pickle. Hot and tiring work but so worth it. For dessert over coffee we always had an extravagant show of beauty that would have pleased the Queen.

Now that, because of unfortunate circumstances, we no longer have these memorable dinners and gatherings, my son Jim, daughter Danielle, & her husband Felix, have lovely intimate dinners together, trying to prevent that burning "family candle" from flickering out.

Autumn...the time of year when all things die? No, they are just sleeping. They are constantly living through cycles of seasons so that when it is time to poke through the dark earth or sprout a bright new green leaf, we will once again face the heavens, smell the air and feel the breezes and give thanks for another fall, winter, spring, and summer. We have lived another season. We have gathered more memories for our handbag of age so that when needed ,we can open it...and remember that fall isn't about things dying...it's about living.

Glady

September 11

"We Remember"

Today, I awoke to clear skies and a cool room and cozy bed. I rolled out of my little nest and went to wash the sleepiness out of my thoughts. I had not even thought about anything but medications & coffee! Toast would come later, and if I was too lazy to pop two slices of bread in the toaster I would pour milk into the bowl of Corn Flakes. I was anxious to get to my computer and finish a story that I had begun last night. As I parked my hinny on the now well worn office chair and flicked on "my baby", the date 911 stared boldly back at me. My heart sank.

My thoughts went immediately to the familes that are left behind. I choked up with remembrance of the utter and unbelievable chaos that enshrouded the beautiful city. Watching those towers fall was a wide awake nightmare ! I remembered where I was, what I was doing and who I was with, when this tragedy took place. My brother Randy & I were stunned into silence. There were no words that could have been said that would make any sense. All we could hear was a broken sob and then I realized it was from my own mouth.

This morning, those families who are still mourning , shared heart felt stories. The ones that really touched me deeply were the children. Some of them were so openly distraught they couldn't speak. These children, spouses & families must live with this nightmare for the rest of their life because it will be a tradegy the world will never forget. I prayed this morning for those families and I prayed for myself that I would never, ever forget how very blessed I am and that I should hold my tongue the next time I complain about something. I cried off and on for the rest of the day. I almost choked when I was eating supper while watching the news. I was eating corn on the cob. A preteen came on and was crying as was her brother. She tried bravely to answer the News Reporters question but she just couldn't do it. When I saw this, I sucked in air quickly in sorrow and a piece of corn went down my throat and I ended up choking until it was passed. Later, I thought about how frightened I was when it happened and then I compared it to how those "heroes and sheroes " felt when they saw that building coming down. Oh dear God...please help these families and countries heal.

I long for peace and harmony. I pray that we all will never forget all of the people who have died needlessly . I pray that we all will strive for peace, and love one another without predjudism or judgement. I pray that you will sleep gently and peacefully this night. The sky will be clear and blue tomorrow upon awakening if you want it to be...even if it is raining.

To peace...

Glady

"Chicken Soup Stories"

"Hey Linda...did ya hear 'bout that there book called "Chicken Soup for the Menopausal Soul?"

"What? Speak up, girl, can't hear ya'. I blew my ear drums out while snortin' from laughing so hard at this new book I'm reading called, "Chicken Soup for the Menopausal Soul! Have you heard of it?"

Not only have I bought them and read them, I am now being published in them. Two of the stories just happen to be in the "Menopausal Soul Edition" I have also been recently published in the "Chicken Soup for the Brother & Sister Soul" If you have a story to tell it should be heard. Give Chicken Soup a try or maybe just go buy one of many of the books and see how you like them. I guarantee that you will not be disappointed. There are so many, many, titles that you could choose from.

I had been going through some particularily tough times about 10 years ago and someone bought me a "Chicken Soup for the Soul". So many of the stories were so much like my own situation and I took comfort in advice, and, maybe it was just the knowledge that I shared it with someone, even though we did not know know each other. Wow! It was a turn around for me. Out of all of the self-help books on my shelf, Chicken Soup really hit more innings with me.

Then the newer topics came out and with each new title I could relate to it. They are still looking for stories for "Chicken Soup for Life's Most Embarrassing Moments", and "Chicken Soup for the Do-It-Yourselfer's Soul" Go on...give it a try.

Actually, writing for Chicken Soup has helped me become not only more confident in my writing but also in my personality. Knowing that I may, just may, help someone with my story, or better yet, make them laugh, lifted me up from the mire I had been stuck in all of my life. Thank you Chicken Soup owners, editors, publishers and contributors, for being a part in changing how I feel about myself as a new writer.

"Keep on scratching up the dirt in the chicken coop to find more stories!"

With many stories to come...

Glady

Where Is The Justice?

In Memory Of Darlene

August 24 th, 2004, Darlene was on her way home from afternoon shift. It was a quiet night and the drive home was long. She couldn't wait to get home to her comfy bed and cuddle up to her hubby and sleep peacefully. As she pulled out from the stop sign she saw the vehicle that was speeding toward her and it was not slowing down for his stop sign. She braked and skidded to veer out of his way... but he hit her hard. She died instantly. She was a daughter, a wife, a mother, a grandmother, sister and friend. Her laughter nor her tears would never be seen or heard again. Her extrodinary talents in the kitchen as an accomplished cook would never be tasted again. Her grandchildren would never feel her hugs and kisses or have Grandma read anymore stories as they cuddled up to her at bedtime.

She was a 911 Operator. Her job was a high stress job but she handled it with an ease of professional strength. Darlene was my former sister-in-law and during the 15 years of being family, we were great friends. I loved her dearly. She was strong and serious yet she had a wonderful quirky sense of humor. When she and I were together we really made family gatherings memorable with the crazy things we would do. After my marriage was over with her brother, we sadly lost touch. I always grieved losing my ex husband's family because, once, they were my family too and I loved them deeply. It took a long time to move forward from some hurtful words between Darlene and I and I will always regret them, now so more than ever.

Her sudden death in her young age of early 50's was a great blow to many, many people. It will be 3 years this August and the Court Case is finally making a decision on the punishment for the youth who killed her. He was drunk and speeding. This was not his first offense in drunk driving and speeding. His lawyer is trying to get him off because he admitted his wrong doing even though the Prosecuter testified that the accused told him quote unquote "She was just an old lady" ! Does that sound like he should not be punished for his wrong doing? He may only get 2 years and then the loss of his license for 5 years. What kind of a laugh is that! I am so sick that her death may not be able to prevent someone else from being hurt. I am so angry that it was unneccessary that she was taken so violently from her family...from her life. It just isn't fair. My heart breaks every time I hear the pain in my daughter's voice when she tells me about the outcome of the court case or the Coroner's report.

What can we do to speak out to those who have habitual records of speeding or drunk driving? Where can someone go to seek help for these offenses so that they won't repeat? How can we be a bridge to prevention because obviously there needs to be some sort of "connection to prevention". Isn't there enough troubles in the world already that we have to fight drunk drivers and speeders too? If you think you are one of these...please go for help. Don't be on the list of taking someone's life because you thought you were okay to drive.

My heart aches openly as I write these words. Maybe I shouldn't voice my opinion on this case but it was too close to home not to say anything. People, please...have a look at your life. is it the life you want or does your heart desire a change? Reach out...or pray. Call a friend. Don't grieve alone. Don't be angry alone. If you feel that you can't trust yourself, go for help because the consequences are far worse than admitting you need help, not just in drinking and driving but in other areas too like depression, anger, abuse, or anything that you are worried about. Life is already too short...let's not make it shorter for ourselves or someone else and their families.

Somewhere in my Christian heart I must find forgiveness for this young man who took her life because I will not be free if I don't. I will be filled with rage and hate and that does not feel good within my soul. I have come to far to return to my old ways of being bitter. My only solace is that maybe she called out to God in that final moment as she saw her death approaching in her aloneness and she is in Heaven now.

Justice...where is the justice with something like this? What does it look like or sound like? Does it have a face or is our image unrecognizable as it looks back from a steamed up mirror ? I guess we all ask that question in our lives every so often but I pray that it isn't because you have lost someone.

May the light of God's truth shine upon your face so that the shadow of loss and pain may fall behind,

Glady

"Summertime...hot summer time!"

Here I am working my buns off just so that I can feel comfortable in a pair of shorts for the sizzling summer fun. This is my third summer of putting it off so I have promised myself that I will try to lose enough winter handles just so that I can feel comfortable in my skin.

Most of the time I don't even change in front of myself because I know that I will become embarrassed looking at the far cry of what my 128 pound shape used to be. I am doing my best though. I really need to "commit" it to myself to begin eating properly and exercising. Can't be all that hard. I know my body is painful from disolving disks in my neck, fibromyalgia, and arthritis, but surely there is something that I can do for myself. Walking can be a way of good cardio. There is always something we can find for ourselves that we can follow to become more productive and healthier. Wish me well, please.

This is the time when most everyone is making plans to go away on holiday somewhere. I remember camping trips the most when my kids were small. We had such wonderful times. My kids loved the adventure of exploring trails, building fires at night, roasting marshmallows and sleeping peacefully so close to the night sky. I really miss holidays like that. In fact, I miss holidays! It has been 2 years since I have been away anywhere and I have an incredible itch to go somewhere but certain circumstances are preventing me from doing so. It is all in God's timing. I have faith in that. He will send me on a holiday when things are right. For now, I take comfort in "kitty-sitting" my son's cat. She is about 5 years old and her name is "Xena". She is a very finicky cat and she thinks that the world of humans should bow to her. Sheesh! Oh well, her comical antics make up for her moodiness. Just a while ago, I went to my bed and lay down beside her during her "princess nap". She lifted her head, opened her mouth and gave a long and irritated meow...then she nipped me! I couldn't believe it! She wanted me off of the bed so that she could nap in peace. "Hey you! This is MY bed that I am lending you for your beauty naps...don't even think that you can push me around!"...Boy...I left her on the bed with that so that she could think it over. Little Miss Priss!

But, most of the time she is so much fun. Very good company for me when most of my days go without entertaining. I will be sad when my son returns from his trip and takes her home. I would like to wish you all "Happy Summer Holidays". Be safe...careful of fire season, and don't speed.

Bless you all,

Glady

Summertime is here!

Hello everyone. It has been a while since my last post. I had my computer in the shop for 1 1/2 months so I was unable to write anything. I felt a little anxious because I have been submitting stories to "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series and a story & poem has been published and I was itching to let loose on more. They are just short stories but it is a dream come true for me. I have always been happiest and secure when there was a pen in hand. Thank goodness for computers though because it makes the writing so much easier. When I am finished the material I email it off to the Publishers of Chicken Soup.

Why did I start writing for Chicken Soup? I was given the first edition as a gift when they first came out many years ago. I fell in love with the type of material written because it was my style of writing so I began to submit my stories. Chicken Soup has now grown to so many titled books that I have lost count. I highly recommend to you to buy them as gifts to friends and family. They will not be disappointed.

Here we are in British Columbia on the second day of summer and it is going to rain, rain, rain all weekend! Please don't get me wrong...British Columbia, Canada is a very beautiful country with each season in it's glory. The mountains and green trees against blue sky takes your breath away. Our pristine lakes are perfect for fishing and there are many wonderful resorts to make your stay comfortable. We also have many beautiful beaches too. Yes, we have hot summer weather and lots of bathers soaking up the rays. Children laugh and play while parents read a book on the blanket. At night you can walk along the beach and listen to the sidewalk cafes full of lovers as they savor the moment of hand feeding each other lobster and listen to the slow hip moving music. Love is in the air! A full moon against the sky and baby stars dotting the blue blanket heavens makes for a wonderful ending of a long day of fun living.

Yes, we have it all. The winters are also a favorite of mine. The crisp white snow that crunches under my boots as I take one step after another brings me back to my childhood when I used to make paths by walking sideways with my feet close together. I was so proud of those paths. To me they were beautiful. I don't know why, I just thought they were clean, organized...and mine. When I was on my own with my children grown and gone I did pretty much everything for myself but my brother would cut me some beautiful wood for my wonderful wood stove. I would haul it in from the shed to the house and I even chopped some when I was out or if the logs were to big. The shed was a good ways away from the back door so when it snowed I got my boots on and excitedly opened the door and started stamping the snow down side by side to make a path. WOW! What a wonderful feeling.

Yes, we experience all the seasons here and I thank God for it. I love it all. Mostly, I
appreciate it. It is going to rain all weekend and I am going to enjoy it because after that it is goinf to get hot and I don't have airconditioning!

Thank you for visiting my blog. I would love to hear a comment from you if you have time.

Blessings to you,
Glady

"Mother's Day in Heaven"

Whenever May nears I always seems to miss Mom more than ever. I don't know whether it is because of Mother's Day approaching or whether I am reminded of 19 years ago Mom started losing weight and by July (my birthday) we were told that Mom had inoperable cancer and she had 3 months to live. This picture of her was taken about 1 month before she left us. She had only had her portrait taken twice in her life and she said, "Glad, I don't have any nice recent pictures of me so that you can give them out after I am gone. I want people to remember me in a happier moment" It was a very difficult picture taking session. I did her hair, put make-up on her, put my earrings on her, and she wanted to wear her one good dress that she saved for special occassions only. Mom smiled her cute little self conscious smile and I cried behind the camera lens. She didn't seem to notice...I guess she had other things on her mind.

Even through her illness, there was times of laughter. We always laughed a lot in our family (once the crazy dysfunction was gone.) Mom came from a family of 15 siblings and her brothers & sisters, neices & nephews, and friends came to say goodbye. I guess many of them thought we would be a house of gloom but once they walked in and saw the whole room filled with flowers and people all over the place, drinking coffee and laughing and reminiscing about days gone by, I am sure their hearts were grateful for the sweet memory that they would leave with.

As soon as we found out that Mom would be leaving us we all decided that Mom would move in with me & my family. Mom wanted to sleep in the livingroom because she didn't want to "miss anything". She told me that she wanted laughter and she wanted flowers while she was alive so that she could enjoy them. Every day and every night there was someone new to come stay with Mom. I was her main caregiver but she enjoyed her sisters coming to care for her. Many wonderful meals were made. It was like a constant reunion but except for the odd person spotted crying, (like me when I snuck outside and hid under the balcony to have a cry in private when the pressure became too much). One would never have guessed that there was a dying woman inside that lovely blue house with the white picket fence and HUGE garden full of fresh vegetables, herbs & flowers. Mom was a wonderful woman. We didn't always see eye to eye when I was a teenager but I loved her so much. When I became a Mother I fell in love with my Mother in a very special and beautiful way. I finally recognized the pain in her eyes that had seen way too much in her life. Yes, she was a real warrior in eyes. For all that she had experience in her life I would have thrown in the towel had it been me. Her deepest pain began with the death of her first born, Doreen, at ten years old. Doreen died of a brain tumor. I cannot imagine the sheer pain in her heart as she watched her baby slowly slip away. Mom...I am so sorry that you began your marriage with a death. Mom & Dad had 6 of us, (including Doreen). My sister was one year younger than Doreen. Can you imagine the pain and confusion she experienced? After she realized in her 9 year old innocent mind that her best friend, her sister, was not coming back because she was up in Heaven now, she used to go outside worried that Doreen had not eaten so she would throw bread upwards in hopes that Doreen would get it.

I was 2 years old when Doreen left us so I do not remember her. But, I grew up with the pain of her death. My parents turned to sources to drown the pain and often there were tears or angry words about Doreen and her untimely, too soon death. There was a lot of blame toward God. Later on in life they came to realize that God does not cause disease.

Soon, Mom's lung cancer traveled to her brain leaving one side paralyzed. I had to do everything for Mom after that. Bathing, dressing, delicate situations, brushing teeth, giving medications...and on and on. I loved it. I wanted to give to Mom what she gave to me as I grew up. Mom also told me that she wanted me to take care of her and that she would never be alone. I vowed to her that she would have these wishes. The hospital staff & Dr.s & I were on first name basis. It was in a community of 12,000 so you pretty much got to know everyone. Many of the Dr.s would treat Mom or check on her when our Dr. was not available. We had the Palliative Care room reserved for us because instead of putting her into emergency when she had her 3 seizures they would just wheel her into her room and tend her there. Mom did not want machines so each time we entered the hospital I did not know if it would be the last time.

When it neared the end, there was my sister, my aunt & me. The nurses were in and out all night. They had gotten to know this sweet little lady who never complained and they loved her. - During the last month of her life I would put Mom in her bed for an afternoon nap and I would lay ontop of the blankets and hold her and sing along to her little gospel tape. Without my knowledge the nurses would all come to peek at us and cry and whisper to each other..."Her Mom mothered her in the beginning of her life and now she mother's her Mom at the end of her life." Yes, I felt blessed that I was able to comfort Mom as best I could. I couldn't get enough of her because I knew that soon I would not have her anymore. - I crawled into bed with Mom and began to sing and speak to her. She was in a coma. God spoke to my heart and said..."Give her permission to go." So I did. "Mom, it's okay. You don't need to hold on anymore because it hurts too much. Let go of the pain, Mom. We will follow you, but for now cross that beautiful stream with the cool running water and meet Jesus. Your little girl is waiting for you, Mom" Soon afterwards, her breathing slowed steadily...gently...and she said goodbye with one last beautiful breath. Do you know that that room felt full of warm and tingly energy. It was like there were Angels everywhere. Even the nurses felt it. Three nurses and the female Dr. my sister, my Aunt, and myself were present as Mom gently slipped away.

I haven't been able to stop writing since. What that has to do with anything, I don't know, but it opened some sort of door. Maybe my faith opened widely after that but it took me a while to truly give my life over to the Lord.

In 12 days it will be Mother's Day. Let's honor our Mother's with something that will make a deep connection between you because one day one of you will not be present on Mother's Day. Take advantage of this special day, ladies because being a Mother is something God gave us as a very special gift. For those of us that don't have a Mother anymore, remember that we will see them again but you can still continue to honor your Mother by remembering her openly. Buy yourself some flowers and place them in view for yourself to see and say...

"Happy Mother's Day to us Mom."