"Greetings"

Another day has come and gone. Tis' the midnight hour and I am burning the midnight candle. I seem to write with more concentration well into the evening hours when there is no ringing phone or knocks upon the door. I thought I would post a picture of myself so that you can have a look at who it is that is posting these entries. The writing I speak of are short stories. They are non-fiction and about my life's experiences. It may not be a big deal to some but to others it may touch your heart in some way and maybe even open a door for you that was shut in your life. Hmm...life's experiences...that's a good one. Everyone has them. Some are good and some are bad. I used to hold in my anger and anxiety and then I ended up very ill with 10 surgeries and numerous invasive tests under my belt of life. Now, I share what is on my oveloaded plate...and I don't mean food, [besides, I love food and can be quite selfish when it comes to my favorites 0:) ]. I also laugh a lot. It feels so wonderful when you get that deep down belly laugh and you laugh so hard you cry. Wow! I can do it so hard that my kids will become a little worried asking me if I am okay because I can't stop. What a hoot! One of my favorite shows is "Funniest Home Videos" and I watch it as often as I can. There was a man I had heard of who actually "laughed away his cancer". He was told basically to go home and die but instead he went home and watched comedy every day and he was cured! I, myself, have had cancer twice, and I have had some serious operations as well but I am still here and I am still laughing. What about you? Do you like to laugh? Do you like how it feels inside you when you have a truly good laugh? Isn't it magical to hear your children laugh? God was so good when He gifted us with laughter. It literally melts anger...that's a powerful tool isn't it.

One of my short story books is about everything I can remember in my life that was related to laughter. I remember when I was a little girl and when our Uncle would come in from camp he would have a bar of McKintosh Toffee for each of us. I offered my Dad a bite and he kept refusing. As he turned his head away while saying, "No sweetie-pie, I..." , that was when I shoved my bar into his mouth. His teeth clamped down hard upon the gluey toffee. Several minutes passed and the toffee was firmly cemented into my Daddy's mouth. "Daddy, can I have my toffee back? DADDY, CAN I HAVE MY TOFFEE BACK?"...one good yank and I had my toffee back alright...right along with my Dad's dentures! They found me about a block away still running on my skinny little legs and dusty old shoes.

Life is a story, you just have o know where to look. Life can also hurt and that needs to be shared as well...just don't forget to end with a laugh or you may lose yourself down the drain of turmoil.

Goodnight for now, my friends. May your eyes become beautifully heavy as you lay your sleepy head upon your pillow. When you arise may there be blue skies and a smell of fresh air beginnings!

"Spring Has Sprung"

The sunshine is like a heated blanket on a blustery day. How good it feels against my soul. Do you ever wonder how the butterfly might see the spring's arrival? What a long awaited birth it has endured as it lay wrapped in a cocoon of nothingness, only to appear as though there were not a day missed of life. It opens it's beautiful wings to dry and shows off the magnificant colors that God created. Did He make them beautiful just for us or is it for some other reason unbeknownst to us?

In a way we are like those butterflies. We can hide ourselves in the same kind of imprisonment in hopes that time will peel away our old self so that we may experience a birth of a new beginning. The symbol of "butterfly" from the Bible means "promise of new beginnings" If you are experiencing rough roads right now, please don't feel too discouraged. Even though you may feel so desperate or hopeless, and it feels like there is nowhere to turn...look within yourself and see the butterfly within you. It is there just waiting for rebirth into something so beautiful and filled with strength and courage that when you unfold your wings to the sun of life you will be noticed as a gift to your family, your friends and strangers. Let the change begin, let the hurts go. Don't allow the past pains rule your beautiful self. The past memories and scars will have control over you if we continue on with our anger or painful walk. Yes, it is difficult to go through this cleansing but what an achievement when you come through it unscathed. There is so much to life that we shouldn't miss out on. I walked blindly for years before I saw colors, breathed in the delicious smells, and heard the song of birds & insects. What a waste of years!

I remember a time when I was suffering deeply with my life's struggles and it was getting to the point of hopelessness when one day, a sunny, winter's day, I was walking through a field and came across a little bush on a mound. I almost stumbled over it because for years I walked blindly, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, smelling nothing. Something made me stop at this little bush though and as I looked down upon it my breath was caught in a frozen mist in front of my opened mouth! It was beautiful! It took me moments to breathe again. I had never seen anything so spectacular as this silly little snow-covered bush. The sun shone it's smiling rays upon it and it sparkled like diamonds...hundreds of diamonds! I fell to my knees in awe and tears warmed my frozen cheeks as they trickled crookedly from my eyes. My heart filled with such profound love and gratefulness that I thought I would shout. I thanked God for His sending me "my frozen bush" to remind me that "life is mine if I want to take it... life is beautiful if I want to make it"

My life changed after that moment. Sure, I still had struggles and sometimes I even had down and out wars with myself but all the while I knew that I was fighting for my rebirth. Sometimes the "labor" is a little long and difficult...but...my life's instinct struggled to do what was needed...fight the good fight and win with honors!

If you feel like talking to me I would be happy to listen over email. Being alone with these feelings of hopelessness is not needed. Sometimes it is difficult to talk to family about these issues and it is easier to let go to a faceless email friend. I am not an expert on many things but I do have experiences in "life's skills" and I have an awesome shoulder via email. Please, don't be alone in this. Let someone be there to admire your struggle from the cocoon of life!

Bless you today, tomorrow and always

Hello friends

Another day has passed and the sun shone warmly today. I was thinking back about how I suffered terribly from depression...deep depression. I knew that something was wrong before I was diagnosed but I couldn't put my finger on it. I had felt that way for so long that it was a natural state except that there was a deeper hole within me.
My thoughts were a mess. I couldn't concentrate on the simplest things. I let my outer looks go. Even my children suffered right along with me as did my husband. Everyone was frustrated with me. I just wanted to die. The thought of taking my own life entered my mind many times but my "heart" did not want to die. I wanted to live and see my children grow. I wanted to live and see what the purpose of my life was all about. Surely my life wasn't supposed to be like this! I hit bottom hard a couple of times but each time rose up, bound and determined to win. My faith saved me. I still have my struggles, but, depression can be overcome with the right help.
Writing became one of my saving graces. I used to write everything out by hand but I suffer from fibromyalgia and osteoarthritis and my fingers and wrists just don't have the strength to endure long writing episodes, hence, the computer. My awesome brother bought me this computer and the keys have not stopped ticking since. I will always be grateful to him for his thoughtful & generous gift. He had faith in me as a writer and he believed in me. I will never be able to thank him enough.
This is all for now.
Goodnight dear friends!

My Introduction

I am so happy to be able to share with others through blogging. It has been upon my heart for a long time to do this but had other commitments before making my first entry. I have had a couple of poems published and a short story for Chicken Soup for the Soul, although I am far from being proffessional. I just had a fire in me to come to you out there in places I only dream about, and share my thoughts with you.
I have had a difficult life with my health so I have had lots of time over the past couple of years to do what gives me air in my soul...write, write, and write! It has helped me set a great deal of inner pain free and has shown me that I had fear of things that were just a waste of time. There have been so many tragedies in our family which brought a heavy blanket of despair for a great many of us. My own personal hurts have been many, but, I have learned over the years that I would not be who I am today if I had not walked that walk. I can be insightful to others pain and feeling of loss. I am not saying "Thank you God for the painful events & experiences", but I say, "Thank you God for seeing me through it."
I have come a long way and I can relax within myself today because of my faith that God has placed me here on this earth for a purpose and I can't wait to see what it is and what it has been. One of the gifts He gave me was being able to sit and tend the dying. I took care of my Mother during her 3 month battle of cancer and I learned to be strong but something else happened too. I know that this walk on earth is only a lifetime for us all but I have seen enough people passing on that it is not always ugly or frightening. It always hurts, yes, but, there was something that happened to me when I crawled into bed with my "little mommy" and I sang to her as she took her last breath. it was so peaceful. After that experience I was called by the hospital to be with a few Senior Citizens who had no family and who were dying alone. Then, others got my name and sent for me.
I pray that this does not turn you away. I have so much to tell and I will continue this somewhat "diary" in hopes that you will make your comments or ask for prayer. I am a prayer warrior and am known to send "prayer emails". My fingers speak far more accurrately than my rambling mouth.
Blessings to you today...always...& forever